Saved by His Grace

“For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” -Psalms 139:13-14

“Lord, I am not worthy…” Those words from the centurion changed how I see faith—and how I see myself.

For a long time, I didn’t come to God because I thought I was too broken, too sinful, too far gone. I struggled with unbelief, addiction, anxiety, depression, and a deep sense of unworthiness. But Jesus doesn’t ask us to clean ourselves up first. Come as you are and allow Him to clean you up.

If you’ve ever felt unworthy of God’s love, if church felt like a place you’d never fit in, if shame, trauma, or past sins made you believe you were beyond grace… This message is for you. ❤️

Not too long ago, I was meditating upon the account of the centurion’s servant being sick and how the centurion had come to Jesus for his servant to be healed (see Luke 7:1-10). We focus on how great the faith of the centurion was, but I recently saw something that I hadn’t really truly seen before. The first thing the centurion says to Jesus is, “Lord, do not trouble Yourself, for I am not worthy that You should enter under my roof. Therefore I did not even think myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed.”

The words of the centurion truly resonated with me, and I wept tears of joy for a while because I saw myself in his shoes. I too once didn’t feel worthy enough to come to God. I think this was a big roadblock in me coming to Christ. Yes, I struggled with unbelief the majority of my life. However, I think deep inside I felt that if God did exist, I wasn’t worthy to come to Him because of my former lifestyle of rebellion, because of all the sins I committed.

Before Jesus rescued me from the darkness, I spent the majority of my life as an agnostic and an atheist, struggling with promiscuity, sexual immorality, heavy drinking, depression and severe anxiety. In a future post, Lord willing, I will share my full testimony of how Jesus rescued me from the darkness into His marvelous light.

I have a feeling that many people may feel the same way I once did. They see churchgoers in clean, fancy outfits; they think they look pure and righteous and they feel they could never “fit in.” As a result, many feel they would never be accepted or worthy enough for God—especially those struggling with a spirit of rejection. That rejection may stem from childhood bullying, a dysfunctional home, abuse, rape, or other forms of trauma. I, too, have experienced childhood bullying, a dysfunctional family home and emotionally-abusive relationships as an adult, so I understand what that feels like. This is something that needs to be told, “Many too were once like you; God’s saving grace just turned their life around” (see 1 Corinthians 6:11).

There are sadly a lot of false representations out there of what a follower of Christ is truly like. Whether it be in the form of street preachers who only shout about hellfire and brimstone or people who claim the title “Christian” and claim to know Jesus but their hearts have become hardened, whether it be through unforgiveness or bitterness, and they just don’t exhibit the love of Jesus to others. There are also those who remain unrepentant, living in ways that do not reflect Jesus, which ultimately confuses non-believers.

This was also a major roadblock that kept me from coming to Christ earlier in my life. It wasn’t until a few years ago when my roommate gave their life to Jesus, I truly saw firsthand what a follower of Christ is actually supposed to be like. They emanated the kind of peace, love and compassion that only comes from knowing the grace and mercy of Christ. You see, the fruits of the Spirit are the qualities that grow in people who follow the leading of the Holy Spirit, reflecting Christ’s character and a godly life—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (see Galatians 5:22-23).

To anyone reading this who doesn’t feel worthy enough for God or is struggling with their faith, Jesus does in fact love you, so much so that He died for your sins. As Apostle Paul says in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” No amount of depression, anxiety, fear, heartbreak, addiction, whatever you are struggling with, is too much for Jesus to deliver you from. He is the God of the impossible!

Don’t let the enemy, the devil, lie to you and make you believe that you are broken beyond repair or that there is something wrong with you because you are not like other people. God created us all unique, with different gifts and talents. Many afflictions that people struggle with, such as depression and anxiety, were never part of God’s plan. As Psalms 139:13-14 says, “For You formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.”

You may think you’ve done too many bad things in your life. You may feel like you’re not living the way you should, you may feel lost and confused about who you are—or unsure of who you even are at all. You might be facing attack after attack from the enemy, stumbling back into old sins and addictions, feeling depressed and ashamed.

But when you choose to repent and turn away from your sins and fully surrender your life to Jesus, He will clean you up. He will heal you. He will turn your life around and give you a new identity in Him. Come as you are and allow Him to transform you from the inside out.

Please know that you are never too far gone to come to God. You may have been raised in the church yet never had a personal relationship with Jesus—but it is never too late, as long as you have breath in your lungs. When you surrender your life to Him, He washes you, heals your brokenness and makes you anew. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

You don’t have to come to Him already cleaned up. Trust me, I definitely did not; I came to Him as a broken sinner struggling badly with depression, anxiety and addictions to many sinful things. He answered my broken prayers and He healed me mightily and helped me turn my life around.

One day after witnessing the vast change in my roommate and yearning for that same peace, I just prayed to Him, asking Him to reveal Himself in my life if He was in fact real. Within a short time after I started genuinely seeking Him, He healed me from the depression and severe anxiety, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt hope. Since then, I have been incredibly grateful to Him every single day for rescuing me from the darkness.

Please know that you are never too far gone for God to forgive you. You are worthy enough to come to Him now, in the midst of your brokenness and pain. As Jesus says in Mark 2:17, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

You are worthy to God. Jesus loves you; He died for your sins so that you may have abundant life in Him. If you have been on the fence about turning to Jesus and/or surrendering more to Him, don’t delay. We are not promised tomorrow. Let Him meet you in your brokenness, in your sin, in whatever state you are in, today. We can’t do this life without His help. Just cry out to Him, repent, ask for His forgiveness, and invite Him into your life. ❤️

“The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.” –John 10:10